Get Fuzzy World View

"Get Fuzzy" is frequently a ridiculous comic strip, and the dialogue below proves it. In a two week storyline, Bucky tried to comprehend how a single asteroid wiped dinosaurs off the face of the Earth. If you prefer, skip the first 11 days and read 10/2/10. The culminating thought explores the theories of Creationism and Evolution in a single statement.

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9/20/10 - Monday
[Satchel shows Bucky a page in his dinosaur book.]
Satchel: Look how big this dinosaur was! Glad they're not still around! Ha ha!
Bucky: They must be kickin' around somewhere. I see them on TV all the time.
[Satchel stares at his book for a moment.]
Satchel: The book says a rare kind of flying rock killed them all.
Bucky: Right, right. The flying rocks, sure. Of course, my favorite chapter is on the limited edition dancing mushrooms that assassinated all of the unicorns.

9/21/10 - Tuesday
Bucky: You don't actually believe that a flying rock killed off the dinosaurs, do you?
Satchel: This book says it fell from the sky.
Bucky: Well, that's just made up! Clearly! Gee, Mr. Scientist, how did the dinosaurs die?
Bucky: Uhh...a big rock, Jimmy.
Bucky: But Mr. Scientist, rocks don't attack anyone!
Bucky: Uhh...well this was an evil magic SPACE rock, Jimmy! Ooooo!
Satchel: Yeah, yeah! See, there's a picture!

9/22/10 - Wednesday
Bucky: Pfff. Satchel's in there trying to convince me that hemorrhoids killed all the dinosaurs.
Rob: Hemorrhoids? What are you...ohhh, no, an asteroid killed the dinosaurs.
Bucky: How is that different?
Rob: An asteroid is a rock from outer space.
Bucky: Well, that's just silly. What'd the dinosaurs ever do to the space hemorrhoid?
Rob: Asteroid.
Bucky: Anyway, I'm not worried. There's an ointment for that nowadays.

9/23/10 - Thursday
Bucky: Why did the asteroids kill the dinosaurs?
Rob: It was just random bad luck.
Rob: It just came down from space and PCHEWWWW POOF!
Bucky: What, ONE asteroid? Just one asteroid killed every dinosaur on Earth?
Rob: Yeah.
Bucky: You expect me to believe that? So they all lived in the same apartment, did they? Or did it hit the big Cretaceous family reunion? Turned 'em into coal slaw, did it?

9/24/10 - Friday
Bucky: Answer my question: How did one asteroid kill all the dinosaurs unless they all lived in the same house?
Satchel: Ho Ho! Don't call a noise complain in on those neighbors!
Rob: Bucky, dinosaurs lived all over the world. The asteroid changed the Earth's climate. It's scientific fact.
Bucky: I got news for you, Pinkish. Science is just a big bunch of theories. Well, here's my theory: Science is bunk.
Rob: You sound silly.
Bucky: Impossible. Because my other theory is that I, Bucky Katt, am Shiny-Po, the Sun God!
Satchel: Wow, that's a real theory?

9/25/10 - Saturday
Rob: Let's just agree to disagree on what killed the dinosaurs, ok?
Bucky: You're just lucky their not around now. This guy would eat you whole and throw away the key.
Rob: FYI, that guy was a vegetarian.
Bucky: Oh, so you leaf jockeys are claiming all the big, tough guys, now? I guess rhinos are vegetarians, too, eh?
Bucky: Hey, I'll chew on a houseplant with the best of 'em, but that's no basis to form a system of nutrition around.
Rob: Bucky...
Bucky: So is Satchel a Tennisballitarian?

9/27/10 - Monday
Bucky: So I figured out why there aren't any dinosaurs around anymore.
Rob: Found the diary of T.Rex?
Bucky: See, there's no way a tiny asteroid bonked every dinosaur on earth. To have any effect, the asteroid would have had to be the size of a planet...
Bucky: ...And so it was. I put it to you that a planet bonked the dinosaurs. Our planet.
Rob: You sound crazy.
Bucky: You know...every once in a while, pure genius sounds crazy to the commoner.
Rob: Yeah, and every other time in a while, it is, in fact, just crazy!

9/28/10 - Tuesday
Rob: Your theory is that the dinosaurs were killed by another planet hitting theirs?
Bucky: No, not killed: vanquished. And not by just any planet: EARTH.
Rob: Just tell me your furbrained theory, already. I'm working.
Bucky: Satchel! Can I have a drum roll please!
Satchel: Uh...I'm not eating that kind of roll...
Bucky: Must you always decoolify my moments of triumph?
Satchel: ...I can offer you a sticky bun.

9/29/10 - Wendesday

Bucky: My new dinosaur expulsion theory will explain all! Asteroids! Dinosaurs! Monkey Men! Vegans!
Bucky: In fact, its only limitation is the intelligence of those who attempt to comprehend it!
Rob: Oh for the love of...Just tell us your theory!
Bucky: Sir! I put it to you that the earth careened into this solar system and bonked dinoplanet out of its orbit, thus assuming the position of third planet from the sun!
Rob: ...Like a cosmic billiard ball?
Bucky: I call it the Big Bonk theory.

9/30/10 - Thursday
Rob: So your theory is that the earth hurtled through space and knocked a planet full of dinosaurs out of its orbit like a big croquet ball?
Bucky: That's correct.
Rob: Then why are there dinosaur fossils on Earth?
Bucky: See, when two objects collide, residue is always transferred between...Wait, I'll show you.
[Bucky slaps Satchel]
Satchel: What the...?
Bucky: Satchel's fur on my paw. Filthy proof of the Big Bonk.

10/1/10 - Friday
Rob: Ok, so putting your theory of the Big Bonk together, all dinosaur fossils on Earth are ancient "residue" from when the Earth collided with the dinosaur planet...
Rob: ...And, as you say, that's why all the fossils are flat...because they were crushed in the impact?
Bucky: ...And stuck to the Earth like lizard pancakes, yes.
Rob: So somewhere out there dinosaurs are still alive?
Bucky: Hurtling through space irate and nauseated, yet.
Satchel: And trying to figure out what all the flat, little human fossils are, presumably.

10/2/10 - Saturday
Bucky: My Big Bonk theory explains everything, where Earth hit the dinosaur planet, there's a big dent. That's the ocean.
Bucky: ...And dinoplanet was a lot older than Earth, so that's why we now have million-year-old dinosaur bones on our six-thousand-year-old planet.
Satchel: Wow. Anything else?
Bucky: A few of the dinosaurs that stuck to the Earth survived the impact. That's how they were able to film "The Flinstones."
Rob: Mm-hm. So that would be in the Facetious Period, which followed the Cretaceous.

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I love that Darby Conley dared to even mention the claim that the Earth is only 6,000 years old.